Exhausted From Sorrow

I ran across something in Scripture yesterday that I hadn't noticed before. It is found in Luke 22. The chapter starts with Judas agreeing to betray Jesus, then moves to the Last Supper, and on to the Mount of Olives. This is where we will zoom in:

Luke 22:39-46

"Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, 'Pray that you will not fall into temptation.' He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 'Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.' An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. 'Why are you sleeping?' he asked them. 'Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.'" (Emphasis mine)

There are several things that have captured my attention with this passage. One of them is the simple fact that I'd never really noticed the phrase "exhausted from sorrow". When I had read this passage before, I found myself annoyed that the disciples could fall asleep while Jesus was in such agony just a "stone's throw beyond them." Now, however, I see them through more compassionate and hopefully understanding eyes. Plus, I realize how very much I am like them. In recent experiences I have found myself "exhausted from sorrow". Sleep was a very appealing thing. I can only imagine all of the emotion surrounding the circumstances they found themselves in. Of course they wanted to just go to sleep! Look at Jesus' response to them upon finding them asleep (again). "Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."

Jesus was aware of their exhaustion and their suffering. However, He knew that their immediate need was prayer against temptation. Remember, He had told them when they first arrived at that place to pray. He KNEW what was coming. This, to me, is another example of the importance of our remaining in constant fellowship with Jesus, and really listening to what He says. He knows what we need, when we need it. There are times He will tell us to, "be still, and know that He is God", and then there will be times that even in spite of (and often because of), exhaustion from sorrow, He will tell us to "get up and pray, so that we will not fall into temptation." It is often when we are at our most vulnerable that the enemy of our souls will try to lead us away from our very life and strength.

Look at part of the passage again, and notice the example that Jesus gave.

"He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed. 'Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.' An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."

Jesus was in anguish. What did he do? He prayed more earnestly. Oh, how we need to follow His example.

Notice one more thing about this passage. As Jesus was submitting His life in prayer to the Father, "An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him."

My encouragement to anyone who is exhausted from sorrow, is to pray. Seek the One who has walked the path of sorrow and anguish before you. If your greatest need is truly a nap, He will lead you to peaceful sleep. If temptation is about to knock on your door, He may very well tell you to get up, and pray!

Speaking of Gifts

In the last post, I mentioned that sometimes the simplest gifts can be the most profound. Recently, I stumbled upon the book, "One Thousand Gifts", by Ann Voskamp. I could tell that reading it would be a gift, so I bought seven copies! One for myself, and some to give away. If you haven't heard about it yet, you will. If you have, then you are assuredly reaping the rewards of Ann's gifting. She is an amazing poet. So, I must admit that sometimes her use of language seems elusive to me (my problem not hers). However, when I take time to really drink in the words, they settle in and find a place to grow! Oh! To be able to communicate with such beauty. Alas, I do well to get a sentence out without completely butchering the English language, not to mention punctuation!?

In the book, the reader is challenged just as the author was, to begin a list of one thousand gifts. Not to be left out of this adventure I have started my own list. As many readers of the book are doing, I will share it here on the blog. Giving thanks is an attitude-changing experience. For when you are giving thanks, your mind is not as likely to be engaged in lesser activities (ie., grumbling, complaining, doubting, etc.). It does take some discipline (as all things good for us do). You will find it well worth the effort. The more you practice thanksgiving, the ease and joy with which you do it may surprise you! So, here's the beginning of my list....

1. the sacred ability to give thanks

2. the fresh-baked aroma in the house after the girls baked some cakes.

3. background music

4. the gift of one more snow day (a day off from school for happy kids and spouse)

5. the glittering dance of sunlight on ice-covered trees

6. those first few moments of quiet after everyone has made it out the door for school and work

7. breathing in and out all without a thought from me

8. the chatter and laghter of four 5th and 6th grade girls in my van on the way to Math Olympics in Vermont

9. holding hands with my sweetheart as we watch our firstborn and only son perform in his first High School musical

10. the beautiful smile on aforementioned son's face during the curtain call

11. a father/daughter Sunday afternoon walk

12. a Sunday afternoon bike ride with friends for the firstborn

13. a few moments of quiet time for the mom

14. reconnecting with an old friend (on Facebook) from my Focus on the Family days

15. relaxing on the chaise with my baby "Em" and she asks me a question about Heaven...

16. conversing about Jesus' return, she expresses her hopefulness that He will come back soon...then falls asleep still snuggled up next to me

17. Though I am inadequate, He is All-Sufficient, and He lives in me.

18. Though I am incomplete, He lacks nothing, and He lives in me. In Him I am complete.

19. Divine intervention. God in the shadows - the lost being found, a reminder that He hasn't forgotten me...

20. the UPS truck arriving to the delight of three prcious daughters who have been sick for days

21. happy girls with favorite-colored streamers in hand praise and worship joy-filled though still sick

22. finishing another good book

23. the faithful who have walked the narrow path before us

24. two new tunes (for free) on my ipod

25. hearing the rolling thunder..."Thy power throughout the universe displayed"

A Chicken Update!

I know. I said I hated the chickens. Not really true. Hate is too strong a word. More than anything, I was just mad that the whole experience was bringing such sadness to some of my children. However, after all was said and done, we were left with three of the ten; two roosters and one hen. They are still around, and Jewel, the lone hen, lays a lovely brown egg almost every day. It's like getting a little gift! A small little oval reminder of God's genius. His extraordinary fingerprints on the seemingly ordinary things in life.

Often in the midst of pain and suffering, such little gifts and reminders can be found, but we can miss them if we are not intentional about receiving them. Open wide the eyes of your heart, look for the little gifts that are deposited in your life. You might be very surprised at how they arrive. Who would have thought several months ago, that I would look at the egg of a chicken as a gift? Sometimes the simplest of gifts can be the most profound! By the way, Happy New Year!

Bullfrogs and Butterfles

Does anyone remember that song from childhood? "Bullfrogs and butterflies have both been born again...."! I was reminded of it recently when I found myself surrounded by butterflies. I have to go back several days, to share the whole story.

I had gone out behind our pool to turn on the filter. While there I looked down ,and on the ground was a small butterfly. It caught my eye because of it's beautiful color. As I stepped a little closer to get a better view, it flew away. I was disappointed by the missed opportunity. A day or two later I was getting ready to run an errand, and my husband asked, "What's that on your leg?" I figured he noticed the peeling skin from a sunburn. Then, much to my delight I saw a small butterfly very similar to the one near the pool! It then flew from my leg and landed on the top of my foot. I had a few seconds to get that closer look. I felt the moment was a precious gift from the Lord. I cannot adequately describe why, but I guess the Bible says it best in James 1:17, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

As I mentioned in my last post (about the chickens), this has been a year full of loss (actually several years). The loss of so many things; loved ones, animals, dreams, hope, joy, peace. It has been a battle for me to look at my life and deal with the anxiety, depression, and guilt that has tried to come in and take over. I am not much of a fighter, but in my weakness He is strong. He will not let me go. In the midst of all of the pain, I realize that God is still on His throne. He has not forgotten me, though at times it has felt very much like He has. I am a work in progress, much like a caterpillar in a cocoon. Maybe the time is approaching that I too will emerge from a cocoon a beautiful butterfly ready to take flight. Time will tell.

To wrap this up you must hear the end of the story. A couple of days ago I was getting ready to run to the store to pick up a few things. As I walked outside and down our deck steps onto the ground, all around my feet were butterflies! Not just a couple, I'm talking twenty or thirty of them swirling around my feet! One of my girls opened the door about that time and also was amazed at the number of them flying around me. It was awesome! Words cannot describe the joy that I felt in those moments. Thank You, Lord, for the amazing reminder of Your redeeming love, faithfulness, and beauty.